How to Survive NEST
by BluJay16
Summary: Follow the teens on the base as they create a rule book on how to survive N.E.S.T, mostly this one teen though. THERE ARE SOME TRIGGERS IN HERE THAT I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION. (Trigger warnings: mostly depression, some implied self harm. If I forget any more please put it in the reviews and I'll put them down. I apologize for not putting them in earlier.)
1. Chapter 1

Hello! My name is Rocky, and I'm writing these rules here... Dunno how that happened, but yeah. These will be enforced by Prowl, A.K.A. "The Fuzz/ The Man".

Rule 1:

Lilian isn't aloud to stay with Bee for more than twenty minutes.

( They can be together if a responsible adult is there,)

(If there is none, then there not aloud to be together.)

(They get ideas, and it always ends in someone hurt.)

Rule 2:

DO NOT say that you are "dead", "dying" , having a "heart attack", or "sick" around the Hatchet.

(I know from personal experience)

(Ratchet was there and I announced that I was "dying" in front of everyone because I was so overworked.)

(Well, I ended up in the med-bay with a concussion after that episode)

(Yeah, don't do it.)

Rule 3:

The Following are banned from Base:

Horror Movies (Bee, even though he's amazingly brave, is a scaredy cat when it comes to things like that.)

Calvin and Hobbes (I'm going to cry)

Garfield (I'm sobbing, WHY IS PROWL SO CRUEL!)

Myth Busters (Bee and Lilian get ideas, I'm tellin' ya...)

Myth Hunters (Once again, It's Bee and Lilian. Those two are bad when you leave them alone...)

Rule 4:

DO ask Jazz to give you advice on how to hide your illegal stuff from the Prowler.

(Mech has it down to an art he's so good)

(And by "Illegal" I mean all of the Calvin and Hobbes and Garfield comics that I may or may not have hidden everywhere)

(I will never give away my hiding spots.)

(Not even to Bee.)

Rule 5:

Lilian and I aren't allowed to have caffeine.

(It get's Lili SUPER hyper and it makes me sick)

(Last time, we BOTH ended up in the med-bay.)

(Me, conscience, but shaking so bad I couldn't hold anything in my hands)

(Lili was sedated)

Rule 6:

If you hear these things, run.

"I don't know, wasn't the explosion supposed to be bigger?" (Lilian to Bumblebee. I Promise you, the expression on Optimus' face was priceless.)

"What?" (Bumblebee or Barricade. If you hear this come from their mouth, or if they pause and look at you funny if you asked them if they did something, then, please, dear God, run for your life, because something is about to explode or burst into flames)

"Am I missing an Eyebrow?" (Jack to me. The poor baby went along with one of a Lilian and Bee joint plan.)

"No!" (Me, actually. Someone threatened to take away my phone.)

"I'll distract them with A Fan Dance!" (Lilian) "I'll provide the Vocals!" (Me) (Optimus stopped us before we did that. We were fighting cons.)

Rule 7:

The following are not allowed to be said:

"Fight Me!" (Me. I screamed it at Megatron when I was cornered in a con attack trying to, somehow, protect all of the small children that were there. It's a terribly bad idea to say that to Megatron, he almost killed me.)

"Suck my A**!" (Bee, actually. We were fighting cons and this Vehicon was giving him a hard time. He pulled back and screamed it at the con and ohmigod, it was beautiful. He got a good whack from Ratchet's wrench for that.)

"I reject your version of reality and substitute it with my own!" (Lili. It was the day Optimus said Mythbusters was banned from Base. She had an attitude the next day because of it.)

Rule 8:

All officers are supposed to be in full uniform when a diplomat comes.

(I'm not an officer, but Prowler told me that since I'm in charge of writing the rules, I have to have one serious rule.)

(Sorry Lennox)

Aw man...

Rule 9:

Please, For the love of God, STOP quoting Calvin and Hobbes!

"Reality continues to ruin my life." (Me. I got stuck in the brig because I did something stupid in a con attack. In my defence, at least we won.)

"It's no use! Everybody gets good enemies except me!" (Miko said this one day in front of all of the Bots, and Boss Bot and Ratchet forced her to go through Mental Therapy.)

"I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius"(Lili) "What's misunderstood about you?"(Raph) "Nobody thinks I'm a genius." (This was an unintentional quote, mostly on Raph's part, but it was still hilarious. Bee was cracking up and Optimus and Ultra Magnus kept on giving Lili this look of utter disappointment/horror.)

(There's more to this, but I think y'all'll get the Idea.)

Rule 10:

Yes, I just said y'all. I don't care who you are, If you ask me if I just said "Y'all", I will fight you.

(And Jazz will join me.)

(It's annoying and rude to ask that.)

(Don't insult the way someone talks.)

Rule 11:

Please, PLEASE, watch the kids here!

(This one is for ALL of the base parents)

(I once saw a three year old walking around the autobot's hanger, and they didn't even know he was there.)

(The poor baby was crying softly and Optimus almost stepped on him.)

(Had I not been there, the kid would've been crushed. And so, I screamed for OP to watch where he's stepping.)

(The base parent's were totally scared and actually didn't know where their kid was because he was being watched in the daycare. Somehow he wandered out, and no one heard him. It turns out, The poor baby's mute.)

(Well, now the little guy has a Cybertronian guardian to make sure he doesn't run away. Bumblebee adores the kid, and always coodles and cuddles him too.)

(So, yeah, watch yo' kids.)

Rule 12:

No more Hide 'n' Seek.

(The bots just about flipped shit when they couldn't find Raph and Micheal(The mute three year old).)

(They found the boys in Raph's room, asleep)

(I was just about to win when someone screamed "Rocky's Missing!")

(Ratchet had to force me out of that hiding spot)

(I was in the vents.)

Rule 13:

With that said, no more hiding in random places.

(I like hiding everywhere, and Mikey will join me 'cause he loves me.)

(And the bot's, for some reason, will lose shit because they have no clue where Mikey and I are.)

(We were in my room, asleep, because Mikey needed to take a nap.)

(What's confusing to me is how did Bee and Jazz not know? I texted them as soon as I took Mikey out of the room...)

(Eh. *shrugs*)

Rule 14:

No more action movies.

(Bee and Lili get ideas)

Rule 15:

Jazz is NOT ALLOWED to supervise any dangerous activity.

(This includes fireworks.)

(Jazz is stupid enough to go along with any type of stupid idea.)

Rule 16:

DON'T give Lilian any caffeine after 9:00.

(She will go insane.)

(Ratchet had to sedate her.)

Rule 17:

DO play Bohemian Rhapsody over the Comms and PA system.

(It's fun to see Bee and Raf randomly dancing in the hallways and a few soldiers dancing.)

(...)

(You have no proof it was me...)

Rule 18:

Don't ask the bots any deep, human physiological questions.

(They glitch.)

(And hatchet gets annoyed.)

Rule 19:

Please DO ask Bumblebee to sing you a song.

(He is literally the best.)

(He's probably better than me.)

Rule 20:(we made it guys! High fives all around!)

Please don't scream " RELEASE THE BABEH!" every time one of the smaller base kids start going on a rampage.

(It makes them mad, and I'll have to calm them down.)

(Only ends with tears of frustrations for me and me alone.)


	2. Chapter 2

So, regarding this new rule, **DO NOT do anything stupid or let your charges do anything stupid while you're on a mission,** I decided that we should use an example.

Me, Lilian, Sam, Leo and Micheal decided "We should go on a road trip!" So after getting Micheal's parents permission, we begged Optimus to let us go. OP said that we could go, as long as he, Bee, and Ironhide could come with us. I said fine, secretly hoping that he would have something planned. Optimus, most likely seeing through my okay-ness gave half of his duties to Prowl and the other half to Ultra Magnus. I remember the night before I cried a little, cause I thought Jazz would have to come with us, which would've been fun, but, alas, we were stuck with a buzz-kill.

So, we were on the road, Me, Sam and Micheal were with Bee, and Lili and Leo were with Ironhide. In Bee's car, we kept on calling other people, and screaming the lyrics to a bunch of diffrent songs, and we also played games like I-spy, or Screaming things through the comm-link. We had a lot of fun, then, it went down hill.

You see, apparently, Bee's like a con magnet because he's so... out there. All of a sudden, there was this huge-ass explosion and Bee flipped over, causing him to transform with me, Sam, and Micheal inside him.

I don't know what Sam did, but I screamed and held onto Micheal for his precious life. Point is, we hit the ground, hard, and I was _not_ a happy camper, and, seeing as it was Starscream that hit us, I flipped a birdy and screamed, "Fuck off you giant dorito!"

That was not a good Idea.

Bee, the hilarious sweetspark he is, looked back at me in complete and utter horror, then goes, via radio, "Why?!" I shrugged, theen bent down to Micheal's level to tell him not to repeat what I said, ever. Optimus told all of us to get cover. I nodded and pulled Sam behind me as I carried Micheal on my back. Lili and Leo were running faster than us, and reached cover _way_ faster than us.

"We gotta do something!" I exclaimed. Lili pointed behind me and started stuttering. Leo gasped and Sam whimpered. I turned around and saw Starscream right behind me looking pretty peeved off. So, I calmly put Micheal down, told the others to cheer for me, and started running.

According to Bee, it was a funny sight, to see a human girl running away from a 28 foot tall robot alien that was attempting to shoot said girl. He actually started laughing at me, and to hear everyone else screaming, "Go Rocky! Go! Run! Run Faster!"

Yeah, _hilarious._

So, the moral of the story, and the 21st rule is, **DO NOT do anything stupid or let your charges do anything stupid while you're on a mission.**

That is all.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys! Bee here! I think Rocky's tired or some shit, so, it's my turn to do rules, written by me, enforced by the man(Prowl)._

 **Rule 22:**

 **The Following is NOT allowed to be said when we're in a con attack:**

-Look! A giant dorito! (Yeah, just don't. Rocky did, and the outcome, though funny, was life threatening.)

-Hello Shit-a-tron! (I actually did this, and it was a mistake and the best thing I've ever done)

-Let us give them the universal sign of anger and hate!*flips them off* (Me, Sunny, Sides, Jolt, Mirage. We gotta stop.)

-Boom shaka laka!(This was Lili. I don't know why it pissed the cons off, it just did.)

\- I will destroy you all! (hahahahahahaha! I remember this! Rocky _really_ needs to _shut the hell up_ when we're fighting cons.)

-Fuck! (Everyone. According to Rocky, we gotta stop because we get lil' ears.)

(There'll be more, eventually. But right now, these are a no-no.)

 **Rule 23:**

 **WheelJack's lab isn't a place where humans should go.**

(It's even dangerous for me, and I'm cybertronian!)

(Rocky went in there once to tell Wheeljack something, and she got 2nd degree chemical burns on the left leg and her left arm.)

(So, yeah, don't do it.)

 **Rule 24:**

 **Please KNOCK!**

(This is one of Rocky's rules for us bots, but apparently, humans don't appreciate it when we just "bloop" into their rooms.)

(Sunny and Sides did this to Rocky, and scared the shit out of her, so now she's salty.)

(Rocky:I'm not, _you_ guys gotta knock! I was changing!)

( _SALTY!)_

 **Rule 25:**

 **If Lili, Rocky, Sam, Miles, and/or Leo are busy doing homework, then their busy!**

(Yeah, just leave them alone. Rocky gets pissy, especially since she uses her entire break to finish all of her homework. She ain't got time for anyone.)

(There's a list of bots and people here, and I'm repeated a LOT on this list. I wonder why?)

 **Rule 26:**

 **Bots are not allowed to be date cars.**

(Yeah, just don't. You'll have to tell us the reason why we're driving all over the damn town eventually, and it saves a lot of heartache and tears.)

(Once again, Rocky's learned from experience.)

 **Rule 27:**

 **When Rocky's on Babysitting duty, leave her alone.**

(Whatever you need sorted out can wait until later, which includes asking how Annabelle's doing.)

(Ironhide, she was placed under Rocky's care for a reason. Chill okay.)

 **Rule 28:**

 **Remember to hide all of your sugary snacks from the Hatchet.**

(Rocky was carrying candy for all of the base kids and Ratchet saw her with ALL of this candy and took it away from her.)

(She was not happy.)

 **Rule 29:**

 **Squirrels are banned from base.**

(This is sort of an unfair rule, but it's really funny.)

(OP, Rocky and I were walking out of the base because Rocky wanted me to run around with her on my shoulder.)

(Well, I saw a flying squirrel and I go, "Boss Bot, look! Flying squirrel!")

(He looked up and the squirrel landed on his face.)

(It was the funniest thing I have ever seen.)

(And Rocky had to sit down she was laughing so hard.)

 **Rule 30:**

 **When Micheal is napping, please leave him alone.**

(It's sort of annoying to have Rocky sit down, and then have to get up again because some idiot woke the kid up.)

(NO ONE can get him to sleep again, not even Rocky.)

(So this means, He has to sit through Rocky doing homework, then everyone has to deal with a crying three-year-old)

(Now, it's not fun for anyone, huh asswipe?)

 **Rule 31:**

 **Animated movies are no longer allowed on base.**

(Or, if you really want to watch them, watch them in your own quarters.)

(I don't understand them, none of the bots do, except for 'Hide, but that's because he's with Annabelle all of the time.)

(I walked in when Rocky puts on "Cars 2", and i was really confused.)

(Rocky ended up going to the med-bay because she had a "headache")

 **Rule 32:**

 **OKAY.** **NO ONE** **IS ALLOWED TO JUST DIP OUT WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE! THIS INCLUDES US LILI!**

(Gather 'round children, while I tell y'all a story.)

(So, Lili was bored one day, and she was hanging with me. In my hangar o'doom, alone. So she decides that she wants to do something and I just go, "Okay.")

(Well, I forgot to tell someone/bot that we were leaving, and everyone lost their shit, including Optimus.)

(When we come back, we both got a stern lecture from Ultra Magnus, Ratchet, Prowl, JAZZ, JOLT, SUNNY, SIDES, and Optimus. THEN, we got two weeks in the brig, THEN, got cleaning duty, THEN, got grounded.)

(Lili still says it was totally worth it.)

 **Rule 33:**

 **MORE things that aren't allowed to be said in a con attack:**

"Hips don't lie!" (Rocky screamed this at me and I turned it on via the radio and started dancing. What surprised me is I distracted the con.)

"Megatron got dat ass doh!" (Rocky screamed this, again. Megatron turned around to look at her and Optimus gave her this look at disgust/horror. I laughed, because I knew it was just a dare, but no one else did. So she got a good lecture out of that.)

"Trolololololololol!" (Sides started singing this when we were on a mission together and I tripped some cons going after him. That landed us in PT with Ironhide.)

"Fuck this shit, I'm out!" (Rocky screamed this when Ultra Magnus almost landed on her. She then just dipped out and went to go get a burger. I was so jealous.)

"There ain't no rest for the Wicked!" (I think Sam sang this from the sidelines and it was adorable, until he was shot at.)

"Whaddya say? GO BAE! Whaddya say? GO BAE!" (Rocky sang this on repeat while we fought. I was happy that she was cheering for me, but it was really annoying. Then, I realized she wasn't cheering for me and was actually cheering for Sides.)

(They'll be even more to come.)

 **Rule 34:**

 **Quoting movies, though funny, is not appreciated.**

('Ey guys, I'm just the Fuzz's messenger, go kill him.)

"You sit on a throne of LIES!" (This was Lili, when Ratchet said, "I'm allowing candy to be permitted this halloween!" and then promptly took all the candy away as soon as Halloween was done.)

"When I say 'I understand', It doesn't mean I understand, it doesn't mean I agree, It doesn't even mean I'm listening!" (Rocky, Oh, precious precious Rocky, who continues getting babysitting duty with no pay because of her stupid mouth.)

"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die!" (I think Leo said this to Ironhide one day, and then was used for target practice. It was bad.)

"I'm sorry, but were you dropped on your head as an infant, or were you just born stupid?" (One of the twins Arcee is always around. Those girls can be complete bitches when they want to be.)

(There's more, but I'm too lazy to write them.)

 **Rule 35:**

 **I realize that I'm everyone's favorite, but that does not mean I can use my puppy dog powers far your evil bidding.**

(Yes. That means you Sunny and Sides.)

(I'm not gonna get you out of whatever shit you got yourselves into this time.)

 **Rule 36:**

 **No, it's not funny to scare humans.**

(No one cares that you're a 30 foot tall robot alien from another planet that's always fully armed, the will try to kick your ass.)

(And it won't be too funny when one of you goes to the med bay with a shattered hand.)

(In case you don't know which species I'm talking about, I'm talking about the human.)

(THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT HUMANS CAN SCARE OTHER HUMANS! THIS WILL ONLY END IN TEARS AND FRUSTRATIONS FOR YOU AND OPTIMUS ALONE!)

 **Rule 37:**

 **Humans are not dolls, and us Cybortronian's shouldn't treat them as such.**

(Oh, I remember this. I'm one of the those that continues to use Mikey as a lil' doll.)

(In my defense, he looks adorable in a dress and he said it was okay, so...)

 **Rule 38:**

 **Wheeljack is not allowed to help with science fair projects.**

(He helped out with Raf's and he almost got blown up.)

(He had grazes from metal all over him and I almost flipped shit and I did take him to the med bay.)

(Now, Jackie's not aloud to help Raf with anything.)

 **Rule 39:**

 **MORE things that should not be said around the Hatchet:**

"Ow! My spleen!" (Rocky said this to Sam once when she was laughing really hard. Ratchet carted her off real quick, and was upset when nothing was wrong.)

(When you're coughing so hard someone goes, "Oh, I found your lung.")

(Yeah, I think Miko or Rocky said this to Raf. I got it, but the other bots sure didn't, and they know enough about the human body to know that the lungs an important thing to it. So, OP had Raf carted off as quickly as possible, with a stuttering Rocky and a upset Miko running behind him.)

"I'm dead!" (Hatchet will just look at you and growl softly. He did it to Rocky, and he seems to like Rocky a lot.)

"I'm going to THROW UP!" (This requires no explanation.)

"I'm going to stab myself!" (God Rocky, just _shut up_ when you're around Ratchet, 'Kay?)

"I'm going to shoot myself!" (Either will have everyone sending you to a counselor, because they're afraid that you're gonna _kill yourself Rocky,_ or you're getting sent to mental therapy.)

"It's okay, I didn't really need that (insert body part that it hurt here) anyways." (MY GOD! THIS WILL LAND YOU IN THE MED BAY WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT AND WITH A STERN LECTURE ON WHY EVERY BODY PART IS ESSENTIAL!DON'T DO IT!)

(There's more, but to reiterate the 2nd rule, just don't say your body is failing you around the Hatchet.)

 **And, finally, Rule 40:**

 **This list of songs is banned from base:**

The Fox Song.

The Lazy Song.

Gangam Style.

Bumblebee. (It's a song, I'm not joking, and it's annoying when you have people calling you by singing that song.)

(Rocky.)

Noots. (This song is actually good, I just think the drums and the guitar and... scratch that, _every form_ of music gets on Prowl's nerves.)

(I'm sure there's more, but I don't want to write them, and Rocky didn't really write good note on what's allowed and what's not.)


	4. Chapter 4

_Hello, it's Rocky again. Bee had to go do something. So, I'm back._

 **Rule 41:**

 **The driver always chooses the music.**

(So, let's see, Bee likes anything and everything.)

(Optimus likes country and 80's rock music.)

(Ratchet likes classical.)

(Sunny and Sides like pop music.)

(Jazz likes anything with a good beat.)

(Prowlers doesn't like anything.)

 **Rule 42:**

 **So, apparently, Sunny and Sides don't like being called Sunny and Sides.**

(Apparently, I've been living a lie that my favorite twins like to be called by those nickname.)

(I was hanging out with Epps and Leo when Sunny and Sides walk in and Leo goes, "What's up Sunny, Sides?")

(Sunny tried to step on Leo.)

 **Rule 43:**

 **No, I don't like being called "lil' sis", "youngling", or "sweetspark".**

(Sunny and Sides do that to me all the time, and I scream every time they do that.)

(So now I can call them Sunny and Sides any time I want.)

(Optimus called me youngling once on I yelled, "I'm fourteen damnit!)

(Ultra Magnus chuckled and said that, compared to their age I was still a youngling.)

(I screamed and stomped off.)

(I'm not a baby guys, stop treating me like one.)

 **Rule 44:**

 **If you have a Cybertronian guardian, then** _ **please**_ **let the Director know what type of bond you two have.**

(It's very exciting, for everyone.)

(Since Bee has 3 charges, they all had to talk to him individually about their bond.)

(Bee and Sam's is romantic, while his and Raf's, as well as his and Lili are sibling.)

(Ironhide and Lennox's is sibling.)

(I don't have a Cybrotronian guardian.)

(I think they pass me around...)

 **Rule 45:**

 **Quoting Garfield is not appreciated.**

(But, fuck you Prowl, we do what we want.)

"If people were meant to pop out of bed, then we'd all sleep in toasters." (Lili said this to Bee when he went to go wake us up. I was thinking the same thing if I'm honest.)

"I'm not feeling lazy actually, I'm just extremely motivated to do nothing." (I said this on the Saturday all of the teens were supposed to do PT as punishment for throwing a huge ass party that half of us weren't even a part of. I know I wasn't, I was watching kids all day that day.)

"I'm not always right but I'm never wrong." (THIS WAS RATCHET! OHMIGOD I'M CRYING!)

"God created all days to be beautiful, but Friday's are more beautiful than Monday's." (I said this when Sides came into my room after Bee left an HOUR ago and said we had to leave and I still wasn't dressed or out of bed.)

(I know there's more, but I don't want to write them.)

 **Rule 46:**

 **Yes, I'm quite aware I'm an idiot when our bots are fighting, but that doesn't mean you should follow my lead in that.**

(Yes, I'm talking to you Sam, and Leo.)

(That also doesn't mean you can sneak to a mission because Miko does it! She's only allowed to because now she has her suit'o'doom with her.)

(Don't do it.)

 **Rule 47:**

 **No one is allowed to play Rebecca Black's "Friday" over the or the PA.**

(I think everyone went insane that Friday.)

(Thankfully, I was at school, as were most of the base kids, but, poor Bee, and Sides.)

(They came to pick us up from school, and I get in the car, and "Friday" is playing on full blast. I asked him why this song, and he said that he had to listen to it all day.)

(And Arcee and Twins, you don't make this any better with your singing.)

 **Rule 48:**

 **Ask any of the bots to help with your homework.**

(Except Preceptor, he lectures you and it's pretty annoying.)

 **Rule 49:**

 **Humans aren't allowed to be in the Autobot shooting range unless they're a soldier.**

(This isn't fair, but there's logic in it.)

(Sunny and Sides brought me in there once to teach me self defence, because they're afraid someone, human or otherwise was gonna try to hurt me. I went along with it.)

(I almost got blown up, squished, and almost had every bone in my body broken.)

(That place is a place of dangerous shit.)

 **Rule 50:**

 **So, everyone, human or otherwise, is not allowed to play their own theme music.**

(Just, don't.)

(Lili and I did it once when we were sneaking around and we were, not only caught, but were asked where we were going.)

(I would like to inform you that Galloway was visiting, and he's annoying. So, this meant we had to sneak around base in order for us to avoid him.)

(Ended up running into him anyways, so, whatever.)

 **Rule 51:**

 **All Dragonball Z things are banned from base.**

(OOOOOOO! Prowl, you better run! Lili is gonna kick your aft! I mean it!)

 **Rule 52:**

 **No more movie quotes, please.**

"Just once, I want my life to be like an 80s movie." (I... think... this was Miko? This is surprising,on so many levels...)

"60% of the time, it works everytime." (I said this to Sides as he was trying to get a hyper Micheal to go to bed. Before that, I told him that he should lay down next to the bubbly kid.)

"This place is a FUCKING PRISON, on planet BULLSHIT, in the galaxy of THIS SUCKS CAMEL DICKS!" (Oh! I said this! While I was doing brig time! With Sides because he's an idiot!)

"The human world... It's a mess." (Sam said this to one of the bot newbie Smokescreen, and I laughed so hard.)

"Do you like music?" (Smokescreen to Bumblebee as he was looking at Bee's CD's and Vinyls) "Do you like breathing?" (Bee's nonchalant answer to that question.)

"I'll be back!" (No, Miles, you won't be back, you're going to the brig for two weeks. See ya later.)

"Some people are okay, but mostly I feel like poisoning everybody." (I said this on a week I was really pissy. All of the bots looked at me like I was crazy, then put me through Mental therapy, and then told Sunny and Sides to keep me away from other humans, including my sis, Annabelle, and Mickey.)

(That was a shit week.)

"Dude, when life hands you free nachos, you don't question it!" (Yes, Sam, you question it, especially if it's a shady man wearing shades and looking a LOT like Knockout's holoform. Ya question it a LOT.)

(There's more, just don't wanna write.)

 **Rule 53:**

 **No, you cannot go to the mall to go homecoming dress and shoe shopping with me.**

(The twins, both Arcee and Lambo wanted to come with me. I silently pleaded to Optimus to send some form of adult with me and he was like, "How about we all go, I think we need more clothes for Sam anyways.")

(So, we all go, and Sunny and Sides are trying to tell me what dress I should get. Sunny said I should get a gold dress, Sides said I had to have a blood red dress to bring out the brightness that I admit.)

(I told them both to back up and chose a dark purple dress with silver accents.)

(I have no clue where everyone else was, but, apparently, Crosshairs isn't allowed to be in the mall anymore, so...)

 **Rule 54:**

 **Don't drop that duntdadun!**

('Ey! Don't drop that duntdadun!)

 **Rule 55:**

 **No seriously, the bots are like dads and moms sometimes, so girlies, no twerking or short clothing.**

(I danced once for the twins and they made me dress in full body clothing and told me no dancing.)

(Miko wanted to wear this outfit that had a crop top and short-shorts and Bulkhead almost glitches when he saw her.)

(Hell, I was wearing spoffies for volleyball, and Optimus threw some sweats at me.)

(So ya wanna wear whatcha want, ya try to sneak around.)

 **Rule 56:**

 **So, apparently, "Watch Me" is banned from base?**

(I dunno why, there's no twearking in the song or anything?)

(I think Prowlers might be annoyed with all the teens going "NOW WATCH ME WHIP! WATCH ME NEA-NEA!")

(Yeah, that's the reason.)

 **Rule 57:**

 **Teens, don't mess with Crosshairs.**

(I think we have two teen that think they're tough shit or something.)

(I mean, yeah, Cross is cool, but don't mess with him just cause he pissed you off with his stupid "This planet sucks" comments!)

( _Miko. Bee. Me. Sam. Miles. Leo._ )

 **Rule 58:**

 **I appreciate it when the bots decide, I'm going to to go see this person's important thing, but you guys take things to the next level when you're trying to make the person realize there awesome.**

(I had a volleyball game recently and Optimus, Ultra Magnus, Ratchet, Bee, and the Lambo twins were there.)

(Well, I don't know why, but when I jumped to block the ball, one of the girls on the other side pushed me from on the other side of the net and a side out was called on the other team.)

(Sunny and Sides didn't like that too much and started yelling at the ref. I was making motions for them to knock it off.)

(They almost got evicted.)

(Another time, I got six-packed. That wasn't fun. I promise I heared all six of those nerds stand in the bleachers. When I popped up and said "I'm good! Let's keep playing!" They all sat down again.)

(My twins had Ratchet check me over when we got back to base though.)

 **Rule 59:**

 **Teens, please don't say after some form of stupidity happens "I can't** _ **wait**_ **to go to (whatever place your going soon)!**

(This will land you in, "Now you're going nowhere vile".)

(This includes all you teens going to college. They _will_ keep you at base and force you to enroll in an online institute. And that won't be fun.)

 **Rule 60:**

 **NO MORE QUOTING CALVIN AND HOBBES!**

(Like, it could mean the end of the humans on base if we continue.)


	5. Chapter 5

So, I bet the question everyone has is how did _Rocky_ of all people get paired with the Terror Twins?

Well, let me tell you.

So, it was on a school day, and Lili, Miko, Sam and I wanted to live on the edge and _walk_ to base instead of taking the bus to a certain point. Now, I'm letting you know that our schools are over _4 miles away_ from our base, and we wanted to _walk_ through the _desert_ in _Nevada_ to get back to base.

Yeah, there was _already_ something wrong with that set-up.

So, we're walking and we get attacked by Cons. I don't know why, but we do. At this point, we're far enough away from town that we can't run back and get a phone or call into base saying, "Uh, listen, there's Cons here and they're attacking us." and base was a mile away, so there was no way anyone in our little group was going to _run_ to base.

Instead, we did the next best thing.

We activated our trackers.

As soon as we did this, we all ran for cover, except Miko, who always carries her suit'o'doom with her, so she puts that on and starts fighting a way out.

Meanwhile, the rest of us, meaning, me, Sam, and Lili, are all cowering in fear. I'm singing to try to keep my mind off things, Lili is kicking the rock in front of us, and Sam is screaming.

Then, the Cavalry comes.

Bee is the first to arrive, transforming and fly kicking one of the Cons in the face. Then Bulkhead shows up, and after that, Smokescreen.

Well, I left, because I saw no use in staying. I even told Lili that I was leaving _and_ _she_ nodded in response.

I go back, and and hour and thirty minutes later, Bee, Smokey, and Bulk are crashing into base screaming, "We lost Rocky!" and I was just sitting there like, "Guys, chill. I'm right here."

Apparently, this didn't sit well with OP and Magnus. So the big Bots all went out one night and decided to pick a legit guardian for me. Bee volunteered, but Smokescreen told him he had _three_ charges already, and Magnus was like, "Yeah, sorry Bee, but no." which caused Bee to get all huffy. Optimus asked Cross, but Cross said he'd suck as a guardian. He then asked Drift, who said he'd be happy to assist but Bumblebee said something to him and they got in a fight, so Drift was a no. He then asked Smokescreen, but Sides got defensive and started saying, he and Sunny _combined_ would make a better suited guardian for me that Smokey. So, Prowlers, being the sly glitch he is, goes, "Great, you're her guardians now." and that was it.

Sunny wasn't too happy about that, but I guess Sides was cool with it, I dunno, I never asked. Point is, next morning I wake up for school and I see those two idiots standing over me watching me sleep. I freak out and Sides laugh. Sunny just says I talk when I sleep and I glared at him and said I know.

So, yeah, that's how I got Sunny and Sides. I think everyone's glad that I'm with them because I like most of the things they like anyways.

That, and their pranks(A.K.A Sides' pranks) are hilarious.


	6. Chapter 6

**Rule 61:**

 **More things you shouldn't say, or do, during a con attack:**

-Leave and go somewhere. (I think my twins put this rule in because they love to see me in trouble.)

"And now, see the wild Con in it's natural habitat. See, how it moves, trying to persuade it's comrade to do something stupid with it. Oh no! It's spotted me! Oh no! It's coming this way! AHHHHH! Tell my family I love them!" (Lili, please stop narrating the lives of Cons when we're supposed to be spying on them. Please?)

"Geez, with the way they're arguing you'd think they were seeing a marriage counselor." (I remember this! Sunny and I were driving back from school and we saw Megatron and Starscream arguing about something. When I said this, Sunny almost gave away our cover comming the base. He then shot me a look and I was like, "'Ey, I'm just saying." And he cracked up, which is something you don't get normally with Sunny.)

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!" (Then jump up and down repeatedly like you have an idea. Optimus told Sides to put me in his spark chamber when he saw me do this. I then ran off screaming I'm good, I'll just chill behind this rock o're yonder! And hid for the rest of the time.)

-Sing really loud (Uh. Psych evals people, we're on a budget here.)

-Get bad ideas (Hmm. So the blame mostly falls on me and Sides with this one. He said he was going to prank the cons and goes ALL OUT and there was paint everywhere and Sideswipe and I were laughing so hard I had to sit down and Sides had to _lay down_ just to breathe. I couldn't breathe either and it got to the point where Ratchet was yelling for us to calm down because I was going to suffocate.)

(A pink Megatron is the funniest thing ever. And _then_ Sides goes, "So, Megs, like your new paint job?" And that destroys everyone.)

(That was the best prank I have ever been a part of.)

"The songs on the radio are okay," (Me) "dunnananana." (Anna) "But my taste in music is your face!" (Ah yes. I was really bored and Anna listens to all of the songs I do to an extent and I sing this and point somewhere with my eyes closed and we almost got trampled on by a very angry looking Knockout.)

"The fragging fragger!"(I screamed this at my DS when there was a con fight. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy, and Ironhide glared at me.)

(Belle was there.)

(There will be more, but I won't write them.)

 **Rule 62:**

 **Okay, so, Drift and Bee are not allowed to be alone together.**

(It's just a bad idea, tbh.)

 **Rule 63:**

 **So, the Bots are** _ **very**_ **literal, and so here are a few things that you shouldn't say unless you want to explain it to them:**

\- Curiosity killed the cat, so, bye guys! I've died! (I said this. you can picture what happened next.)

\- I'm not rude, I just tell it as it is. (Hmm. I think I said this to Galloway and he studders and I go, "I'll be in the brig, later ya dick" and I was in the brig for a few days.)

\- No, I didn't trip, I was just testing gravity, it still works. (So, I said this once, and all of the bots looked at me, and then looked everywhere for a gravity switch. It was really funny, when you think about it.)

\- Every time I see your face, I throw up a little. (I. Think. Jack. Said this. To Sam. It was funny, but Ratchet thought that every time Jack saw Sam, he would get sick. So they were kept apart. That wasn't a fun week.)

\- No, I didn't just fall, the floor just looked like it needed a hug. (I said this one day and Sunny and Sides were looking at the floor confused, and then they started yelling at it because I hugged the floor and not them. I also had to explain that the floor is not alive and they should stop trying to kill it.)

(You'd be surprised at how many things Sunny and Sides have tried to kill.)

(There's more, and there will be more, but I don't want to write them.)

 **Rule 64:**

 **Technically, we are not allowed to do base wide pranks.**

(So if you were to walk up to the director, She has to shut it down quick.)

(But if you were to, oh, I dunno, e-mail her... *winks*)

 **Rule 65:**

 **If the humans say that they have spotted something, like a con, or are standing in front of a con in panic, and they comm of you bots, then PLEASE LISTEN TO THEM AND TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY!**

(And, humans, this means, NO MORE PRANKS INVOLVING A CON ATTACK! WE ARE NOT TRYING TO BE THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF HERE!)

(TEENS!)

(But, in all seriousness, I was babysitting a large group of kids and we all go outside for lunch.)

(Well, a few miles out from base, there's this great spot for a picnic and I was like "we should walk there and each lunch, then the kids could play for a bit, then we could walk back".)

(The walk was okay, and everyone had a fun time, but when I was rounding up the kids, I saw one playing wITH A CON AND I FREAKED OUT AND COMMED BASE IN A COMPLETE PANIC!)

(Of course, whEN I CALLED, NO ONE TOOK ME SERIOUSLY AND EVERYONE HUNG UP ON ME, INCLUDING SUNNY AND SIDES, SO I HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS MYSELF AND NOW, I HAVE A BROKEN LEG AND A SLIGHT CONCUSSION, AS WELL AS MULTIPLE CUTS, BRUISES AND BULLET GRAZES.)

(AFTER FIGHTING THE CON, MORE SHOWED UP (they were little cons, human sized ones), AND I HAD TO GRAB ALL OF MY KIDS AND _RUN_ ALL THE WAY BACK TO BASE WITH A _BROKEN LEG._ )

(SO, YEAH, TAKE US HUMANS SERIOUSLY. ESPECIALLY WHEN WE'RE IN A PANIC.)

 **Rule 66:**

 **PLEASE DO teach your charges self-defence.**

(Sunny and Sides have taught me a bit, and Bee is teaching Sam, Lili, and Raf some too.)

(This actually has helped, believe it or not. I've had multiple run ins with bad people and I've come out victorious. So.)

 **Rule 67:**

 **If Ratchet says you have malnutrition, then you have malnutrition damnit!**

(I made the mistake of not listening to him during volleyball season.)

(How did I have malnutrition might you ask, well, I didn't eat breakfast or dinner for a week.)

(I continue doing this, and I ended up sick to the point where Ratchet told the twins that they needed to put more candy than actual food in my lunch.)

(So, now, the twins have to weigh me in every month, except, they forgot this month and my leg is broken so, I think they decided to wait until my leg gets better.)

(Yes.)

 **Rule 68:**

 **So, If you're with Prowlers, you can't just play music outloud and then say, "I forgot my headphones"**

(I did it once when I was hanging out with Sam and, since we get in trouble together, we were placed in Prowl's care.)

(Well, there's this artist that plays really depressing music but the music is great and he's a god and I say, "Sam, you gotta listen to this artist, he is a music god.")

(So, we both are listening to this artist, without headphones because I didn't have them with me, and Prowl yells, "Turn that off!")

(We still listened to it, it was just really quite.)

 **Rule 70:**

 **Once again, humans are not dolls!**

(Bee, you need to stop dressing Mikey up like a doll.)

(His parents don't like it.)

(Actually, I think he might be gender fluid. We'll have to talk about this when he's older.)

 **Rule 71:**

 **Things that should not be said/done around the Hatchet:**

-Scream bloody murder.(Okay, so, one of the teens, Ashira, and I was hanging out and she thought she was funny and she scREAMS AS LOUD AS SHE CAN.)

(So, Ratchet was notified by my twins(those two are like his sons), and Ratchet runs in, and Ashira was running around, screaming, and generally acting like she was possessed.)

(Have fun in your first psych eval)

"School is killing me from the inside out/School is slowing destroying me." (I said this. Sam said this. All of the teens said this. We all were forced to not go to school, or do school work for two weeks.)

(We were all very behind after that.)

-Fake cough, sneeze,or throw up. (He will take you and sit you down. And, if he finds nothing wrong, he will wrench you.)

(So, just don't do a Leo, 'Kay?)

 **Rule 72:**

 **If you are suffering with depression, then please tell someone, or, at least tell Ratchet.**

(There's actually a teen that was caught self-harming, and all of the bots flipped shit.)

(Hell, some of the humans flipped shit.)

(Well, this teen was suffering from terrible depression, and even said that she believed that she was rotting inside.)

(Ratchet started her on a little medication, and also got her a counselor.)

(So tell someone. You've got a whole base of people who love you, they'll take care and provide.)

 **Rule 73:**

 **Be tolerant of others.**

(Yes, we got so,we got some gay romances going on, we even got some people that are beyond gay, *looks off into the distance*)

(So, be tolerant of others and what they do. Cause you you'll get a one-way ticket to not here.)

 **Rule 74:**

 **Teens, DO bring random-ass animals to base, but try to make sure they're not poisonous or venomous.**

(So, guess who was the one who bought home a venomous snake?)

(Miles was in the Med bay for a bit.)

 **Rule 75:**

 **Do NOT ruin ANYONE'S beauty sleep.**

(Or they will ruin yours.)

(For. Eve. Er.)

 _(Optimus. Ratchet. Bee. Sunny. Sides.)_

 **Rule 76:**

 **Please ask the daycare providers or the kids parents if that kid can have candy.**

(We have allergies here people. Food allergies.)

(One kid was given candy and he was rushed to the med-bay having a severe peanut allergy.)

(So, let's _not_ get Ratchet annoyed and keep the daycare providers sane, m'kay?)

 **Rule 77:**

 **Memes are now banned from base?!**

(I don't know why?! But it might have something to do with me, Sam, and Miko being in a con fight and Miko was sitting there and she goes, "Rocky," *dramatic pause*, "I have something to tell you.")

("What, Miko?")

("I'm," at this Miko takes a deep breath, stands up, and screams, "JOHN CENAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" And I just stared at her and she's doing the trumpet noises, and Bulkhead is laughing in the background, and so is Sides, and Bee is SITTING DOWN he's laughing so hard and I'm still really confused on what just happened, and Optimus is shaking really bad and Megatron sorta looks at the bots and goes, "I'll just come back later." And LEAVES and Prowl is really angry and says, "No more memes.")

(Yeah.)

 **Rule 78:**

 **So, no one is allowed to scream, "Oh my god! Aliens!" And then point at a random group of bots.**

(I did it when some of us teens were in the hangar with the Autobots.)

(Sides and Bee laughed. Optimus gave me this look of complete confusion, and everyone else scowled. Including Sunny.)

(I was just laughing while some of the teens flee in fear.)

(Weaklings.)

 **Rule 79:**

 **Please do not over wax the hallways.**

(Bots have a tough time walking around as it is. We don't need to make it any harder.)

(And sadly, Bee is a victim of circumstance.)

(He hurt.)

 **And finally,**

 **Rule 80:**

 **Humans are not allowed to go to a haunted house without their gaurdians.**

(So, I went to a haunted house with a few of my friends and forgot to tell Sunny or Sides.)

(I go, and my gaurdians _loose their shit_ because they can't find me. They finally get information, and go out to find me at this haunted house and start _screaming_ at me about telling them before I leave.)

(I, in turn, scream I just wanted to have fun, and just forgot to to tell them, and Lili should have told them for me. The entire time, my friends from school are standing there like "Alright then," and they were sort of like "Do you two want to come with us?" And my twins go, "Yes. We will.")

(They're gonna come to every. Single. Haunted. House. I. Ever. Go to.)


	7. Chapter 7

_**Hey Everyone! Blue Jay here! Just wanted to let you know that I apologize for not posting anything for a bit. That, and I need to do a disclaimer, so here we go.**_

 **I don't own Transformers.**

 **(If I did, Jazz would still be alive in the movies.)**

 **Rule 81:**

 **Please inform Ratchet when you get hurt, exactly when it happens.**

(From there, he will decide if you can wait or if it's urgent.)

(Yeah, one of my base friends,Raj, got hit by a car walking to work one day, and, deciding that Ratchet was probably too busy, just asked someone on the street to call an ambulance, which they did.)

(So, when he's not back by curfew, his parents start flipping out because he would normally call them if he had an extra shift that he needed to do.)

(So, those two are calling him, while everyone else is standing around thinking, "he's probably too busy _working,"_ and dismissed it.)

(So, he finally shows up the next day, his arm in a cast and _all of the teens_ start asking what the crap did you do to your arm? And he just calmly replies with, "I got ran over by a car".)

(So, Ratchet was in the room along with his parents, and they both lose it and start yelling at him and he's just like, "yeah, I'm just going to assume I'm grounded and just make my way to the med bay of doom.")

(He goes, Ratchet glared at him, and he's been in deep shit ever since.)

 **Rule 82:**

 **Speaking of things you shouldn't do, at all, PEOPLE WITH ALLERGIES, Do not eat the thing that causes you to have a reaction just so that way you can see what it tastes like!**

(OKAY STORYTIME!)

(So, one of my friends, Jason, decided that he wanted to know what a Reese's peanut butter cup tasted like, and ate one.)

(Jason is allergic to peanuts.)

(But the funny thing is, he was so calm throughout the entire thing, he ate it, took his epipen and the calmly asked me to call 9-1-1.)

(We were at school, okay?)

(So, I do that, and he gets taken to the hospital. We come back to base early, and his parents are flipping out, and Ratchet is flipping out, and he gets grounded and Ratchet said he gets to be held in the med bay for as long as Ratchet wants him to be held there.)

(After that, he turns to me and just goes, "That was definitely worth it.")

(Yeah, Jason's in trouble, and so am I, because I, "didn't stop him"(not like i would've been able to but okay).)

(This rule is brought to you by Ratchet the Hatchet, destroyer of candy, and the scariest medic alive.)

 **Rule 83:**

 **No chick flicks.**

(Yeah, a few are good, but the last time we watched one, everyone cried.)

(And by everyone, I mean most all of the girls, and a few of the boys too.)

(Everyone was moody the next morning, even _I_ was emotionally unstable(surprise surprise), so that day was declared a holiday and everyone, by that I mean most of the girls and a few of the boys, just slept)

(I didn't even cry, I just stayed up late and slept because I like to sleep.)

 **Rule 84:**

 **Things that should not be said, period.**

(I know, I know. It's bad, but Prowl hates all of us, so)

"Oh, king of the giant space robots, will you get me a small glass of water?" (oKAY, I SAID THIS TO OP WHEN HE WAS IN HOLOFORM AROUND THE NEW RECRUITS AND HE LOOKED AT ME, AND SO DID PROWL, MAGNUS AND JAZZ, AND JAZZ JUST GOES, "The great king is unable to do this at this time, but, I, the mighty Jazz, shall get it for you," IN A PERFECT BRITISH ACCENT AND OP JUST KEPT ON GIVING ME THIS WEIRD LOOK EVERY TIME I WALKED INTO A ROOM AND IT WAS GREAT!)

"So here, we are a very well oiled machine, and so if you suck, we all suck and it sucks to suck so DON'T SUCK!" (Actually, this was 'Bee. He was yelling to my team during field day because he was the team leader.)

(We were in the middle of the mess hall and the games hadn't even started yet. the looks that we got were so funny though.)

"Get in there!" (Sides yelled this at one of Lili's basketball games and got looks from his brother, 'Bee, and from me. He screamed that he was talking about the fucking ball and that we needed to get our minds out of the gutter.)

"You, my friend, are a dick-wad, a fuck-face, and a shit-monkey." (Jack said this to Sam when he told him that Arcee's paint job looked like shit.)

(Sam, you do know that Arcee could hear you right?)

(It was her time of the month, and she could _hear_ _you_.)

(She was _bawling_ for a good few hours and _I_ had to sit through that.)

(She then took me and got some high-grade, got wasted and held onto me like a doll.)

(She would've slept with me, had Sunny not have noticed and forced her to let me go and had 'Bee take her to her quarters that way she could recharge.)

"Prowl is such a fucking fart." (I said this one day when Prowl confiscated my phone because of some of the "Inappropriate texts that were on it")

(You know what Prowl?)

(I'm in fucking high school. I can have all of the inappropriate convos I want.)

(Yeah, I got brig time for that.)

"Fuck my shit!" (I say this a lot. Sorry.)

"#StopRocky2k15/#StopSam2k15."

(The bots will have no fucking clue what you're saying, and they'll just ask you, and none of us have time to explain memes, okay?)

"Some people need a high five. In the face. With a chair." (So, Miko said this, and all of the bots, ALL OF THE BOTS, looked at her like she was crazy.)

(Guilty, I laughed.)

"This is going to cost me an arm and a leg." (Lennox talking to Epps about taxes. Ironhide is crazy when it comes to Lennox and made him stop paying them and Prowl looked it up and had to explain for _three hours_ how human figures of speech worked.)

(That was a day.)

"Sunny did it!/Sides did it!" (Okay, yes, I throw my guardians under a metaphorical bus very often. They get me back though, in their own, twinny way.)

(Last time I did that, I had no clue what the bots were talking about because they called me in to talk with them and Sunny _and_ Sides got brig time for _absolutely nothing._ )

(I was almost killed.)

 **Rule 85:**

 **Nyan Cat is not allowed on base.**

(Ha. LOL. Y'all wanted to know what Miko was watching. She showed y'all. Y'all were the ones that were transfixed and watched it.)

(For.)

(10.)

(Hours.)

(So, no one is sorry for you Wreckers, ya'know, just sayin'.)

 **Rule 86:**

 **No quoting Red vs Blue**

(I have _yet_ to watch the show and already there's a rule about it. Damn, that's a new record. Y'all move fast.)

"I want to be alive! Or a cowboy." (Miko. Con fight. That's it.)

"Hey chicka bump bump." (Okay, but RAF said this and I lost it because he was just on his computer and mumbled it and all of the bots heard and Jazz was like, "What?")

"That guy Tex is really a robot… and you're his boyfriend! So that makes you… and gay robot." (Okay, okay. Jack said this to Sam and 'Bee heard this from ACROSS the room and shouted "My name is _not_ Tex! And Sam is _not_ a robot!")

"Hey Alien dude, what's your name?" (Miles)

(The new transformer is silent)

"Naaaaaaaaaaaame?" (Miles)

(Still nothing)

"I. Am. Miles. This. is. Barri. Cade. That's Bitchpants McCrabby." (Miles pointed to himself at that, then at Barricade, who had _just walked in_ , then to Prowl, _who had walked in with Barricade.)_

(I lost ALL self restraint at that point and laughed so hard, my chest and abs hurt.)

"What's so hard to understand about, 'swish swish stab'? It's a sword dude, not a fighter jet." (My twins have betrayed me and watched the show without me. This makes me sad.)

 **Rule 87:**

 **People are still getting over the base attack so please let them grieve and be there for them.**

(I kept on meaning to put this rule in and I keep on forgetting, but yeah.)

(Some of the base kids _died_ and _were taken_ in that base attack. Right now, Boss Bot, Prowl, and Jazz are trying to figure out a way to get them back, but everyone grieves differently.)

(Example, I literally _just_ found out that Ajah, my really good friend, was taken, and another really good friend of mine, Alex, was killed.)

(Alex and I were really close, they were like my older sibling.)

(I, after hearing that, I shut down. I didn't eat, I couldn't really sleep at night without having a nightmare, I just drank lots of fluids.)

(I know a few others keep themselves really busy. Some others, including me, bottle up emotions until we just burst.)

(So, let's just be their for people, okay.)

 **Rule 88:**

 **Okay, I know I said "Be there for each other" but y'all take it a step too far sometimes.**

(There was a huge-ass "FEEL BETTER" banner in the main hangar and I just laughed because, hanging upside down, was Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, both looking _really_ peeved off and 'Bee was at the bottom, really happy because He made someone laugh)

('Bee is such a sinnamon bun.)

 **Rule 89:**

 **More things that we should not say. Ever.**

(ahhh, I love our base, always making me laugh.)

"You can't kill humans! They're a part of the food chain, and help feed the mosquito population! Here, educate yourself." (Lili said this during a con attack and then _took out her textbook and proceeded to THROW IT at STARSCREAM._ )

(I think she's at the point where she's not even afraid of the 'Con's, so she'll just _do shit_.)

"Get Reked!" (Lili? She's just a little ball of energy, like damn.)

"Sorry, too tired. can't move." (Me. Ratchet and Preceptor then went on a rant about how, even if i _was_ about to drop to the floor in an unconscious state, I would still be able to move.)

(Quote unquote.)

"dick slapper." (Smokey! He is now one of us!)

(He learned this from Jack and Mikey learned it, but Smokey isn't afraid of Mikey repeating shit because he's mute.)

 **Rule 90:**

 **Stop. Calling. The teens. SPARKLINGS/YOUNGLINGS.**

(It's SO ANNOYING!)

(EVEN 'BEE HATES IT!)

(If you continue, we'll start calling you "grandpas")

(That way no one will be happy.)

 **Rule 91:**

 **Paintballing is banned from base.**

(Yeah, The funny thing is, Optimus said he wanted to try it, so us teens, being teens, decided "Paintball War!" and got everything ready.)

(I was on a team with Prowl, Jazz and Smokey. Sunny and Sides were salty for a bit but then I was like, you guys get Ironhide and Ratchet. Now shut the fuck up and they were happy.)

(So, We made a plan(Prowl made a plan, and we just went along with it.). Prowl and me were going to sit in the tall tree by our flag and snipe, and Jazz and Smokey would be on the ground.)

(Everything was good and stuff until Optimus comes in with Bee, Sam and Lili and Sam was like, "There's a lot of shot peole here and Optimus looked _right at me_ , _raised his gun and shot_ and I screamed and _fell out of the tree trying to avoid getting shot._ )

(So, I fall all the way down this tree and Ratchet was right there and He jumped up and shouted "Optimus! We need that!" and we had to end the game and Prowl got mad at Optimus for making me fall out of a tree while I was laughing my ass off because I fell out of a tree and magically didn't get hurt.)

(I rode back with Optimus and said, "That was the funniest thing I was ever a part of." and he agreed.)

 **Rule 92:**

" **I'm playing Call of Duty," I no longer an excuse to get out of paper work.**

(Boss Bot.)

(Prowl is sick of your shit, and your's too Jazz.)

(Y'all are in charge of an _army_ fam. Get your shit together, human up and _do your goddamn paperwork._ )

(The End.)

 **Rule 93:**

 **If you mess with Sunny's paint job and live you will be granted respect to all those in base.**

(It was me.)

(I was curious, and decided, "What if Sunny had dark turquoise paint?")

(So guess who went out with Smokey and got turquoise paint and painted Sunny while he was in recharge?)

(I did.)

(He woke up the next morning and _screamed at the top of his vocal processor and everyone freaked out_ but then realized that everything was okay. I ran in and Sunny glared at me and goes, "You." I, in turn, say, "Me?" And he says, "Did you do this to me?" And I nodded and took off, yelling on how I'm gonna go and get some paint remover and yellow paint.)

(I had to repaint him, but at least I know that Sunny looks good in any color.)

 **Rule 94:**

 **No more Red vs Blue quotes!**

(Stop. I'm still in the process of watching it! That, and Prowl is going to hurt someone if this continues.)

"Dude, you are one cold motherfucker." (Sides to Sunny when He made me clean his _entire_ interior for sneezing in there. I agreed.)

"Testing, test-Holy shit! It does work! This is badass!" (Sam on the new com:link system for the teens. All of the bots are on the frequency and they all heard that, along with a bunch of laughing and some sarcasm and some "fuck off"s.)

"In an top ten list, five is better than six." (Lili.) "We're not a top ten list!" (Raph.) (I forgot what they were arguing about, but when they said this, they were on the com:link and everyone heard this and all you hear afterwards is 'Bee laughing his ass off and Optimus saying something about how we have to keep the com:link at least a bit more professional.)

"That was the worst throw ever… of all time." (Barricade) "Not my fault, someone put a wall in my way." ('Bee) (I don't even know what they were doing, and I was with them because I was helping Lili with something.)

"Boo, motherfucker." (Jack.) (The com:link for the teens was quiet all day, and in the middle of class for some of us, he just says this and I got in trouble for laughing in class.)

(Fuck you Jack. I got demerited.)

"What part of quiet don't you understand?!" (Jack on the link.) "What part?! How 'bout the part when I got thrown 80 feet the fucking air by the goddamned throwing thing?!" (Miko on the link.) (They were in the middle of running away from a con fight, and Miko was literally thrown 80 feet in the air, and the only reason she's alive is because she had her suit of doom.)

"Why are there six pedals if there's only four directions?" (Raf.)

(He was driving this drone that Ratchet and Wheeljack made.)

(He crashed it 20 times. Jack was counting.)

"Your toast has been burned. No amount of scraping will remove the black parts." (Cross.) (Sam burnt his stupid toast and started scraping it with a knife.)

(He stopped when Cross said that to him.)

(There's more, but I'm too lazy to write them.)

 **Rule 95:**

 **Okay, we get it, you guys don't like check-up's, but you** _ **cannot**_ **go out of the** _ **country**_ **to avoid the Hatchet.**

(FUCKING _TEENS_ )

(I almost got dragged along with them.)

(Raj went to _fucking France_ and said I should come with him.)

(I had finals to study for so I couldn't, but Lili went with him.)

(When Ratchet and Optimus found out that the teens all went off the base, they were upset, but then, they couldn't find them, and they asked me, the _only teen on base_ , where everyone is. At that, I heard a lot of voices on the teens persoal comm saying "Don't tell him" and I go "Somewhere.")

(Mistake.)

(Jazz, Sunny, and Sides attacked me in their holoform and started tickling me and wouldn't stop until I told them where everyone was.)

(I told them they all took trips out of the country.)

(Boss bot and Prowlers was _so pissed._ )

(So glad I don't have cleaning duty.)

 **Rule 96:**

 **Teens, please continue putting up funny signs around base.**

(There the greatest.)

"Enter if you dare." (The med-bay)

"Enter if you want" (The rec room.)

"Unless you want the angry medic on your ass, you better enter in here." (Cafeteria)

"Try it. Just fucking try it." (Ironhide's room.)

"Do it. Just fucking do it." (Optimus' office and room.)

"Fam, you in trouble now." (Prowl's office.)

"Fam, what the hell did you do? Are you tryin' to die?" (Prowl's room. He wanted us to take it down and Sky said, "It's true though.")

(There's more. The next step is to do the Soldier's rooms and some of the ward base kids.)

(I'm on this list and it's exciting.)

 **Rule 97:**

 **Please don't use memes around the base.**

(It's just, annoying, to explain them.)

(Like once, we were watching something about Trump and most of the teens (the bots were there too), go "ʷʰʸ ᵗʰᵉ fᵘͨᵏ ʸºᵘ ˡʸʸʸ'ⁿ, ʷʰʸ ʸºᵘ ᵃˡʷᵃʸˢ ˡʸʸʸ'ⁿ, ᵐᵐᵐᵐᵐᵐ ºʰ ᵐʸ ᵍºᵈ ˢᵗºp fᵘͨᵏ'ⁿ ˡʸʸʸ'ⁿ" and all of the bots were like, "? The Fuck?")

(We don't use memes around them anymore.)

 **Rule 98:**

 **Please don't listen to music without earbuds around Prowl.**

(He hates it.)

(I wanted to show him this one composer because he seemed to like more relaxing classical music.)

(I barely opened the app and he goes, "I _will_ confiscate your IPad.")

(I looked at him, connected it to my comm, and played it on the link with the bots.)

(Prowl was _so close_ to throwing me in the brig. But he liked it and decided not to.)

(I know people so well.)

 **Rule 99:**

 **No air-dropping.**

(We teens, we think we're so funny.)

(We air-dropped Lennox's Mac and Boss bot, Prowl and Ratchet were there because it was in a meeting.)

(They were using Lennox's computer to do the presentation, and in the middle of it, the airdrop goes, "You have received an air-drop! Accept?")

(It was a picture of me flipping off Sky cause they took a picture of me.)

(Funny thing was, _I_ was the one that got in trouble because of that, not Sky.)

(God, I fucking hate this.)

 **Rule 100:**

 **Things that cannot be said or done.**

(Haha. But, lol, no.)

"I can't see! I literally cannot. Fucking. See!" (Lili. The ball of energy.)

(There was an explosion in the Lab and she was there learning chemistry because it looked like fun. She ran out saying this and Raf was coughing and there was a lot of smoke.)

"Help! Help! Their coming to steal the children!" (That was me. I stayed up all night and was really tired, which means random things just coming out of my mouth.)

"This is it, I've been infected with the black plague." (Miko, Jack, Sam, Raph, and me. We were all sick and that was the first thing that came out of our mouths.)

(Guess who flipped shit?)

"I'm dying, "I'm dying, I'm dying. Holy shit. Holy shit. Someone please help oh God sweet Primus." ('Bee.)

('Con fight, and Bee was really tired having been scouting _all night long_ the previous night and was trying to convince himself that he had to do this, but then promptly decided that he couldn't and fell into stasis in the middle of the fight.)

"PHONE HOME E.T., PHONE HOME!" ('Bee.)

(A tired Bee is a noisy Bee and no one wants that.)

(You guys should let the poor mech sleep more.)

"All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips." (Raph.)

(This poor kid was hungry and all he got was air.)

(I laughed at him and he threw the chips at me.)

"I never make the same mistake twice, I make it five or six times just to be sure." ('Bee.)

(He was on a scouting mission and fell asleep. Prowl got mad at him and told him that this was the second time that he's done that. That was 'Bee's response and eventually Ratchet was like, "You gotta recharge" and 'Bee was like, "Fuck- _gladly_ " and slept all day.)

"You are literally too stupid to insult."(Arcee.) "Thank you."(Jack)

(That day was a good day.)


	8. Author's note

_Hello everyone, I apologize for not posting for a while, but I am entering a part of the rule fic where you need background on the main characters before we continue. So currently, I am trying to work on the Backstory behind Rocky and her little sister, Lilian._

 _Yeah, and life hasn't been helping with writer's block on that side of the story, at all._

 _The rule fic has been going steady, and has a crap ton of rules, which, I'm not sure if I should apologize or not for doing that, but if you people like a long story, then here you go!_

 _Please review! I love to hear about what I should change or add to the story!_

 _With love,_

 _And cookies,_

 _Bluejay._


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